On the Outside looking in

                                     On the Outside Looking In: A CentroNuclear Perspective

by: manny Newman

There is a Culture of Disability.There is a Disability Rights Movement.

There is a growing community of persons with disabilities, Lawyers, Doctors, Artists, Actors, Advocates, Poets, Prophets, and Spokespersons

Each sharing thoughts, ideas, and resources.

And I walk on alone. On the Outside looking in.

Every few years I remind a (doctor) gatekeeper,

that I deserve a special blue parking stall.

So that elderly people can sneer at me in disgust

whenever I shop, sure that I obtained my placard from a family member or friend.

And I walk on alone. On the Outside looking in.

Friends from High School generously offer

their services as my official care-giver.

Every harvest is either mysteriously taken by 'teenagers from down the street',

or succumbs to spider-mites or aphids.

And I walk on alone. On the Outside looking in.

When I was recovering from my muscle biopsy

last November, I attended classes the day after surgery

I borrowed a wheelchair for two weeks because I JUST COULDN'T WALK

People acknowledged me in public.

Strangers smiled. Children waved.

I finally fit into a category acceptable by society.

I was a wheelchair-bound, person with a disability.

I was a handicap.

Crippled.

Now, sad to say, I've recovered from my surgery.

I endure muscle fatigue, weakness, pain, cramps, spasms, and even muscle failure.

I greet my brothers and sisters whenever I see them

my greeting is met with a blank stare, a confused smile

or an arrogant turning away. They're eyes all say the same thing “you're not one of us”

And I walk on Alone. On the Outside looking in.